Am I an enabler?

I can remember the day so well when my father said son, I am going to make sure that I am not responsible for your death. Now what he meant by that was I am going to see to it that it is not my money or any other help that I may give you that enables you to make a choice that could cost you your life. Best decision he ever made as a father of someone struggling with addiction.

Are you an enabler?

An enabler is a person who, acting out of a sincere sense of love, loyalty and concern, steps in to protect, cover up for, make excuses for and become more responsible for the chemically dependent person. This can prevent the chemically dependent individual from the crisis that might bring about change, and thereby prolong his/her illness. Some common enabling behaviors are:

¨ Avoiding problems by trying to keep the peace. Believing that a lack of conflict will  solve problems.

¨ Denying that the person is using drugs or is chemically dependent.

¨ Keeping your feelings inside.

¨ Minimizing: "It's not so bad, things will get better when..."

¨ Lecturing, blaming, or criticizing the chemically dependent person.

¨ Taking over his/her responsibilities.

¨ Protecting the chemically dependent person from pain.

¨ Feeling superior; treating the dependent person like a child.

¨ Trying to control the dependent person.

In Luke 15:11-32 we have a story of a father letting his son go and hit bottom because of his foolish behavior. Eventually the son comes home and the father rejoices but the bible is very clear that the father did not go and rescue his son from the pit he was in. Also it is interesting that the bible tells us that the son had “come to his senses” and also returned home humble with no demands such as…..can I have my room back, my allowance back, my car back etc… No, he returned asking to be like one of his fathers servants. If you have a family member that you feel like you are enabling ask God to give you the wisdom and grace to do what’s right for your loved one.

Wrapped In A Flavored Paper

2 Corinthians 11:14  for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.

Months had passed since I had tasted alcohol and cigarettes for the first time, and it was the cool thing to continue to smoke when we could, and drink whenever we could, in hopes that we wouldn’t get caught by our parents.  I have to share with you one of the funny things that we would do while we were smoking cigarettes.  One of my friends’ parents smoked, so if he had been smoking it was hard for them to smell it on him.   They would smell of his hand.   He and the rest of us decided to wear a golf glove while we smoked in case any of our parents wanted to smell of our hands.  The things we would do and lies we would tell to continue our mischief.

You know I can remember my Dad saying that he believed anything I would say until I was about 14 years old, well that’s about right. Then the lies and deception began.  Deception raised its ugly head for me walking in our neighborhood one evening. One of my friends had pulled out a joint and started smoking and then he offered me some.  Now you have to understand that I had turned down marijuana several times thinking to myself that I would never use illegal drugs.   I credit the way I was raised to being able to turn it down as many times as I did.  Finally it’s like the enemy knew exactly what to put in front of me so that I would give in to the temptation.

My friend showed me the rolling papers he had used to roll this joint and they were flavored, a flavored rolling paper!  That means the pot will be flavored, right?  I don’t know, all I know is that the fear I had for the pot had subsided and I was ready to give in and smoke it.

You see it had been dressed up nice just like the cigarette commercials that used to be on TV, the beer commercials you see now on TV that has beautiful people having a wonderful time.  It doesn’t show you the person addicted to the alcohol, killing themselves and somebody else on the highway.  It doesn’t show you the thousands of broken homes as a result of something being dressed up to look harmless.   Not only is it harmful but is killing thousands and thousands of people.

So, it began, I finally said yes because it was dressed up in a flavored paper.

It doesn’t matter where you are in your life, if you are a Christian or not, the bible tells us that Satan will come as an angel of light.  If you are someone that is not living for God, the enemy will come at you in the form of a flavored rolling paper. If you are a seasoned Christian, the enemy can come at you in a choir robe. In other words we always need to be on guard with making right decisions because the decisions we make could not only effect that moment but the rest of our lives.

Contentment for Safety

Proverbs 30:8-9

8 Remove far from me falsehood and lies; Give me neither poverty nor riches; Feed me with the food that is needful for me: 9 Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is Jehovah? Or lest I be poor, and steal, and use profanely the name of my God.

There was a time I did not understand the concept of being content in whatever situation may happen in my life.  I know I have not arrived, but I sure am a lot better off than I was prior to knowing that God had a plan for my life.  

The apostle Paul told us that he had learned the art of being content in whatever situation he was in, and that was proven by his life...Philippians 4:11  Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 

I believe Paul's secret to being content was being convinced that he would spend eternity with Christ.  Before knowing Christ, I can remember chasing after the things of this world only to come up empty every time.  I only got temporary pleasure, whether it was drugs, drinking, or just chasing after what the world had convinced me was fun.  The world’s fun is temporary.

Just imagine if your happiness totally relied on your family, your job, your favorite hobby or even your favorite sports team.  Everything I have listed will fail you at some point but Gods love and His word never fails us.

As a believer if you are walking with God and praying what this scripture states…. Proverbs 30: 8 Give me neither poverty nor riches; Feed me with the food that is needful for me and not chasing greedily after the riches of this world then you can be assured what God provides for you is exactly what you need and therefore you are able to remain content.

As we look at verse 9.... Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is Jehovah? Or lest I be poor, and steal, And use profanely the name of my God.  It needs to be of deep concern and prayer that I remain on the steps that God has planned for me and continually ask God, give me what you want me to have.

You know me better than anybody else,

You know what I can handle,

You know how much wealth will puff me up with pride and forget You, and

You know how little I can handle so that I would not do something illegal and forget You as well.

The word of God tells us in 1 Timothy 6:6 that godliness with contentment is great gain.... I can remember when I first came to Christ and literally had nothing materialistic; it was probably the most content time of my life.  So it is a constant battle as we gain wealth, position, and fame that we pray that God would keep us content and give us exactly what we need.  If we want great gain in our life and be able to walk in constant freedom, we need to remain content where there is safety.

The Pull and Deception of Cocaine

2 Peter 2:22   It has happened to them according to the true proverb , “ A DOG RETURNS TO ITS OWN VOMIT ,” and, “A sow , after washing , returns to wallowing in the mire .”

I was married, working in the automobile business and really thought I had gotten my life back on track.  About two years prior I had gone to the first of several rehabs and really desired change, but the pull of drugs was something I could not handle in my own strength.  After months of so-called social drinking and drug use, I had purchased a large amount of cocaine, went out-of-town and cannot really explain why a husband would leave his wife and just start driving….except

That's the pull and deception of cocaine.

I can remember two days into this binge of using cocaine. I was in a hotel warring within myself, wanting to stop, afraid to go home, confused, and quite frankly was concerned about my health.  Trying to reach out the best way I knew how, I called my counselor from rehab and told him my state of mind, what I was doing, and asked him if he could come see me.  He couldn't, and asked if I would flush the drugs down the toilet.  The problem was I had been on the phone with him a while and I was starting to crave more cocaine so I told him that I had flushed the drugs so I could get off of the phone to continue to use.

That's the pull and deception of cocaine.

The next morning I somehow convinced myself to go home even though I still had cocaine and was in my third day with no sleep.  Continuing to use as I was traveling home, deceiving myself that everything was going to be alright, and I had thought of the perfect lies to cover my absence for three days.

That's the pull and deception of cocaine.

Not too far from home I looked in the rear view mirror to see my face and eyes because I wasn't feeling well at all but continued to use.  As I looked at my face I noticed my lips were a shade of blue so now I am really concerned.  It was almost immediately I saw an exit for a hospital with an emergency room so I took the exit.  As I was on the exit I took the bag of cocaine and threw it out the window. You see when I was convinced I might die I was willing to give it up.  I checked into the emergency room and told the doctor exactly what I had been doing and they told me my vital signs were in the danger zone. They kept me for hours, gave me some medicine to get my vital signs back to normal and then released me. What would happen next would be a classic example of how deceptive our heart can be, especially under the influence of cocaine. I went back to the exit where I threw the cocaine out the window, parked my car, and walked up and down the exit searching for it.

That's the pull and deception of cocaine.

I know that this sounds crazy that someone would do this, but the reality is, remorse and guilt is always temporary.  If you treat your spouse wrong, look at pornography, have an anger problem etc., and you find yourself temporarily getting a handle on these issues for them to only return, it’s because the remorse wears off and you do not have the power to sustain the change.  It's God that can truly give you the power to sustain change in your life.

He said in His word ....He who the Son sets free is free indeed!!  Jesus will enable you to walk free of whatever is weighing you down, just ask Him.

Otherwise we will continue to live out the scripture I used in the opening....

2 Peter 2:22   It has happened to them according to the true proverb , “ A DOG RETURNS TO ITS OWN VOMIT ,” and, “A sow , after washing , returns to wallowing in the mire .”

No matter how bad we feel about something we have done if we don't give it to Jesus it probably will return.

Look At The Scum In Here

Matthew 23:12:  And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.

It was one of those nights, but thank God it was the last time I would see the inside of a jail cell as a result of my lifestyle.

We typically think of pride as something someone would struggle with who is successful, drives a nice car and lives in a nice home, etc.  But someone who is homeless, a drunkard, a drug addict with no job sitting in jail could have pride at a level much higher than the prideful successful person.

 I can remember the anger that I had toward the officer processing me into the parish jail, like it was his fault that I was in jail. I was so filled with anger and hatred toward the world.  If a happy family was walking down the street and I walked by them it would make me angry because they were so happy.  I know it sounds terrible but that’s the way it was.  I was full of pride, arrogance and anger with no hope in sight.

After I was processed, a number of us were placed into a large room to get stripped down and sprayed with something that would kill anything that might be on the inmates’ bodies; such as, lice, crabs, etc..... I know this sounds really gross but I have to paint the picture so you can get a glimpse of how dangerous pride is.  As I am writing this, over 14 years has passed and I remember what would happen in that cell with all these other men next to me like it was yesterday.  I looked around; angry at the life I was living and couldn’t believe that life had come to this again.  You see I had been locked up many times hoping that the last time would be the last time.  I was standing in the middle of about 20 men and there was a short, young, nice-looking Hispanic guy next to me.  In the middle of my selfish, angry, prideful, and hopeless world I did an inventory of everybody in that cell and then looked down at the Hispanic guy and told him "look at the scum in here."   He then looked up at me with a confused look on his face and said "dude, you are one of us."  Hard to believe that someone in my position would make a statement like that but that’s exactly what pride does to man.  It makes you very unattractive to those around you and Gods word says that He resist the proud.  It was only two days later when God would radically change my life but first I believe with all my heart He used a Hispanic man in a New Orleans cell to humble me.  Who knows it could have been an angel!!

I can’t tell you how many times someone may come into our drug treatment program, look around and say, "I’m not like these people."  The ones that believe that they are not as bad as those around them have no hope for a future until they see themselves for who they are. The apostle Paul said "I am the chief of sinners"...he also said "oh wretched man that I am". You see Paul recognized his need for a Savior!  Pride is the very thing that will keep us from moving forward in life.  You do not have to be homeless or in jail to need to move forward.  You can own your own business and be very wealthy or the pastor of a large church and pride can have you stuck.  Let it go and let God take you to another level.

 Pride was the first sin and it brought mankind great sorrow.  Sadly, it may be the last sin for many who deny Christ and refuse to surrender to the Lordship of Jesus Christ

The Ski Trip

Psalm 17:8 Keep me as the apple of the eye

When I think of being the apple of Gods eye, I am reminded of when I was struggling in my addiction.  It was during one of my stays in a rehabilitation program.  My mother was trying to describe to me how much my Dad loved me and it was breaking his heart to see me live the way I was living.  She told me that I was the apple of his eye.  Words cannot describe what that meant to me and the saddest part of it was no amount of love that my Dad could show towards me was going to set me free from the sin that controlled my life.  No amount of love that I had for him was going to set me free either.  I needed the love and grace of God.  Being the apple of someone’s eye means that we are the center of their world and I believe we are the center of Gods world.  He wants the best for us and I believe God trust us!  How does it feel to know that we are trusted by God!  The bible tells us that God will trust us as we show ourselves faithful.

Luke 16:10:  He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much

One summer when I was probably about 12 years old my Dad took me and my brother to the lake.   We were all going skiing.  The day was going great.  We had a good time skiing and swimming and boat riding. Then to my surprise my Dad said that he wanted to ski.  Well I’m thinking how is this going to happen there is no one to drive the boat.   My brother and I are too young and the only time I had driven the boat was sitting in the seat with my Dad. Then the words came, Gary I want you to pull me skiing.  I was terrified and very excited all at the same time.  One thing my Dad told me was to make sure and not let go of the steering wheel because the boat pulls to the right.  Well here comes the moment when I am getting ready to pull my Dad out of the water.  I throttled the boat all the way, felt the resistance that you feel when you are jerking a skier out of the water and I was dying to see if Dad was up.  I turned around to see if Dad was up and as soon as I did I let go of the steering wheel.  The boat quickly turned to the right and was doing a 180 degree turn and we were heading back towards my Dad.  As I watched he let go of the rope and fell into the water. Thank God this incident ended well and no one was hurt.

The similarity I see here is just like I was told I am the apple of my Dads eye and he trusted me with the wheel of his boat --- we are the apple of Gods eye and He trust us and wants us to do great things!!  The main responsibility we have is trusting in Him that He is fulfilling His responsibility for our lives and we do that by not letting go of the steering wheel and looking back.

The bible tells us in Luke 9:62: But Jesus said to him, “No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God .”

Realizing that we are the apple of Gods eye and that He trusts us with great things will take us far.  Just grab the wheel and don't look back.

Driven by Eternity

Romans 6:22: But now being made free from sin and become servants to God, ye have your fruit unto sanctification, and the end eternal life.

Many times we need to remind ourselves why are we on this journey?  First of all, God made us free from sin to become a servant of His and to have a positive influence on the world around us.  Having a positive influence on those around us and simply being driven to become a better person in Christ rest in us staying focused on eternity. The word of God tells us that life is but a vapor, so let’s face it, this life is short and really doesn't compare to eternity.  Eternity will be when God does away with time.  Now we are living in eternity!  That’s a long time and a vapor is a very short time, so where do you think our focus needs to be?

As we are praying for and witnessing to our family and friends, our focus, drive and motivation to win them to Christ does not need to be the temporary problems they may be having in life, although those problems will begin to fade away as an individual walks with the Lord.  We need to be motivated by where are they going to spend eternity?   If we could just get a glimpse of what eternity will be like, heaven or hell, as a believer we would be motivated to win our family and friends to Christ.

When I think about the thief on the cross and the pain that he was going through, the one thing that gave him hope was when Jesus told him today you will be with me in paradise.  We need to continually remind ourselves that is why we live the Christian life and that is why Christ died for us...Eternal Life.  I’m reminded of a statement I heard just the other day. If our life is a vapor then that is not a long time to hang on and do the right thing.

Matthew 18:8:  And if thy hand or thy foot causeth thee to stumble, cut it off, and cast it from thee: it is good for thee to enter into life maimed or halt, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into the eternal fire.  What Jesus is stressing here is the importance of eternity and how driven we need to be while we are living in this vapor of a life to stay focused on the life to come. The more we are focused on eternity the more productive we will be in becoming better people in this life and better witnesses to our friends and family.

There was a lady who swam from an island off the coast of California to the mainland; it was about the distance of swimming the English Channel.  It was foggy on her attempt and she could not see far ahead.  She motioned for her boat to pick her up, she said she was tired.  What she didn’t realize was she was almost there but she couldn’t see the finish line because of the fog.  She said if I had known it was that close I could have made it.  That is so much like our lives.   Remember, fog will sometimes enter into our lives and will eventually go away but quitting is forever. We have no idea when time will cease in our lives and eternity will begin. Stay focused on what matters and you will not be tempted to get in the boat when the fog sets in, instead you will stay the course and get the prize….Eternal Life